No longer a girl

One of the best gifts I have received for my birthday is a book given by 3 rather important ladies in my life. They each had played a different role in helping me grow, intricately place by God in different phase of my life. I must say that this book has come rather timely =)
Well, nothing to be surprise, since they kinda have known me inside out....perhaps? haha...

19, 20, 21.... more than mere numbers, it just dawn upon me how I am really moving on from adolenence to adulthood. No longer a girl. Gone are the days of crazy screaming...aimlesss splurging on whatnots. I need to start consider carefully my future paths. I have to stop being wilful and playful and start settling down on something. Like how, hammy aptly put in yesterday, " This one too mah fan, that one too difficult, then what you want?"

Holiday had long ended the moment I receive my A level result. The study break right now is a period of preparation before my tiertiary education starts. Today, shirls ask me, "So how? (what are my plans for tiertiary education). My reply was "hmm....stilll thinking...should be SIM.." well she gave some good suggestion which I did thought through before. Well, need a further praying and reading up, before I really decide on it.

Well, that's pretty much the head part, planning and stuff. For the heart part, God really grew me much. From being more gracious to weaning. I begin to enjoy the growing process, while it's not easy having gone through numerous emotional upheaval, disappointments and such. But God never fails to come in at the end of the day to round things up.
If there's one thing I really want to thank God for, it's his grace.
Grace is indeed beautiful.

I am maturing, and I am aware of it, well thankfully.

I had a very heartfelt conversation with small rachel today,
"this person is really very important to you."
"yeah"
"if this person were to leave God one day, what will you do?"
"I willl feel very sad, but I will not leave God, coz God is still real."
"That's good."

On my way back, I recalled a similar conversation with another person some time back. Let's call her A
me: "I'm rather sound minded, and matter of fact, I've come to a point that, should someone close to me, be it a family member were to pass away, as long as materially I am still well provided, I will not be too affected by this person's death."

A: "Ic... reallly? So if it's XXX?

I didn't say anything. I forgot my reply to her.

But deep down my heart, the inner child in me says...
"Don't want. Cannot."